That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”
–Friedrich Nietzsche
The wisest, most loving, and well rounded people
you have ever met are likely those who have
known misery, known defeat, known the heartbreak
of losing something or someone they loved, and
have found their way out of the depths of their
own despair. These people have experienced many
ups and downs, and have gained an appreciation, a
sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills
them with compassion, understanding and a deep
loving wisdom. People like this aren’t born; they
develop slowly over the course of time.
Truth be told, when hard times hit, and the
challenges you face are great, you can either let
your situation define you, let it destroy you or let it
strengthen you. The choice is yours to make.
In today’s article I want to remind you of a few
powerful, yet easily forgotten truths that will help
you choose wisely and grow stronger even through
the hardest times…
1. Pain is part of life and love, and it helps you
grow.
So many of us are afraid of ourselves, of our own
truth, and our feelings most of all. We talk about
how great the concepts of life and love are, but
then we hide from both every day. We hide from
our truest feelings. Because the truth is life and
love hurt sometimes, and the feelings this brings
disturbs us.
We are taught at an early age that all pain is evil
and harmful. Yet, how can we ever deal with real
life and true love if we’re afraid to feel what we
really feel? We need to feel pain, just as we need
to feel alive and loved. Pain is meant to wake us
up. Yet we try to hide our pain. Realize this. Pain
is something to carry willingly, just like good
sense. Because you can only learn how strong you
are when being strong is the only choice you have.
It’s all in how you carry the things that don’t go
your way. That’s what matters in the end. Pain is
a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you – your
own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide
them, you’re letting the lies of insecurity destroy
your reality. You should stand up for your right to
feel pain – to endure it – to own your scars – to
deal with the realities of life and love, as you grow
into the strongest, wisest, truest version of
yourself.
2. Mindset is half the battle.
It’s okay to have down days and tough times.
Expecting life to be wonderful all the time is
wanting to swim in an ocean in which waves only
rise up and never come crashing down. However,
when you recognize that the rising and crashing
waves are part of the exact same ocean, you are
able to let go and be at peace with the reality of
these ups and downs. It becomes clear that life’s
ups require life’s downs.
In other words, life isn’t perfect, but it sure is
good. Our goal shouldn’t be to create a perfect life,
but to live an imperfect life in radical amazement.
To get up every morning and take a good look
around in a way that takes nothing for granted.
Everything is extraordinary. Every day is a gift.
Never treat life casually. To be spiritual in any way
is to be amazed in every way.
Do not let the pain of a situation make you
hopeless. Do not let negativity wear off on you. Do
not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Even
though others may disagree with you, take pride in
the fact that you still know the world to be a
beautiful place. Change your thoughts and you
change your reality.
And mindset is especially powerful when it comes
to accepting that…
3. Your biggest fears don’t really exist.
When times are hard it can be difficult to follow
your heart and take another step, but it’s a tragedy
to let the lies of fear stop you. Although fear can
feel overwhelming, and defeats more people than
any other force in the world, it’s not as powerful
as it seems. Fear is only as deep as your mind
allows. You are still in control. So take control!
The key is to acknowledge your fear and directly
address it. Fight hard to shine the light of your
words upon it. Because if you don’t, if your fear
becomes a wordless, obscure darkness that you
avoid, and perhaps even manage to briefly forget,
you open yourself to future attacks from fear when
you least expect it. Because you never truly faced
the opponent who defeated you.
You CAN beat fear if you face it. Be courageous!
And remember that courage doesn’t mean you
don’t get afraid; courage means you don’t let fear
stop you from moving forward with your life.
(Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the
“Adversity” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy,
Successful People Do Differently.)
4. You are growing through experience.
Over time you will find that life isn’t necessarily
any easier or harder than you thought it was going
to be; it’s just that the easy and the hard aren’t
exactly the way you had anticipated, and don’t
always occur when you expect them to. This isn’t
a bad thing; it makes life interesting. With a
positive attitude you will always be pleasantly
surprised.
When you stop expecting things to be a certain
way, you can appreciate them for what they are.
Ultimately you will realize that life’s greatest gifts
are rarely wrapped the way you expected.
Experience is what you get when your plans don’t
go as planned, and experience is the most valuable
commodity you own – it builds your strength.
You have the power to turn your wounds and
worries into wisdom; you just have to do
something about them. You have to accept what
has happened and use what you’ve learned to step
forward. Everything you’ve experienced has given
you the upper hand for dealing with everything you
have yet to experience. Realize this and set
yourself free.
5. You can’t change situations you don’t take
responsibility for.
Sigmund Freud once said, “Most people do not
really want freedom, because freedom involves
responsibility, and most people are frightened of
responsibility.” Don’t let this be you. When you
blame others for what you’re going through, you
deny responsibility – you surrender power over that
part of your life.
Make no mistake, in the end, the price of happiness
IS responsibility. As soon as you stop making
everyone and everything else responsible for your
happiness, the happier you’ll be. If you’re unhappy
now, it’s not someone else’s fault.
Ultimately, your happiness depends on your self-
reliance – your unshakable willingness to take
responsibility for your life from this moment
forward, regardless of who had a hand in making it
the way it is now. It’s about taking control of your
present circumstances, thinking for yourself, and
making a firm choice to choose differently. It’s
about being the hero of your life, not the victim.
6. The present is all you really have to deal with.
Life is not lived in some distant, imagined land of
someday where everything is perfect. It is lived
here and now, with the reality of the way things
are. Yes, by all means you can work toward an
idealized tomorrow. Yet to do so, you must
successfully deal with the world as it is today.
Sometimes we avoid experiencing exactly where we
are because we have developed a belief, based on
past experiences, that it is not where we should be
or want to be. But the truth is, where you are now
is exactly where you need to be to get to where
you want to go tomorrow. So appreciate where you
are.
Your friends and family are too beautiful to ignore.
Take a moment to remember how fortunate you
are to be breathing. Take a look around, with your
eyes earnestly open to the possibilities before you.
Much of what you fear does not exist. Much of
what you love is closer than you realize. You are
just one brief thought away from understanding the
blessing that is your life.
Happiness is a mindset that can only be designed
into the present. It’s not a point in the future or a
moment from the past; yet sadly, this
misconception hurts the masses. So many young
people seem to think all their happiness awaits
them in the years ahead, while so many older
people believe their best moments are behind
them. Don’t be either of them. Don’t let the past
and the future steal your present. (Read The Power
of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment.)
7. There is always, always, always something to
be thankful for.
Life is better when you’re smiling. Being positive in
a negative situation is not naive; it’s a sign of
leadership and strength. You’re doing it right when
you have so much to cry and complain about, but
you prefer to smile and appreciate your life
instead.
What if you woke up tomorrow with only the things
you were thankful for today?
Think of all the beauty that remains around you,
see it and smile. Be thankful for all the small
things in your life, because when you put them all
together you will see just how significant they are.
At the end of the day, it’s not happiness that
makes us thankful, but thankfulness that makes us
happy.
8. Great things take time.
Instant results are rarely the best results. With
patience, you can greatly expand your potential. If
your desires were always fulfilled immediately, you
would have nothing to look forward to. You would
miss out on the joys of anticipation and progress.
Remember, patience is not about waiting; it’s the
ability to keep a good attitude while working hard
for what you believe in. It’s the willingness to stay
focused, confidently staking one small step at a
time, knowing that the way you move a mountain
is by moving one stone at a time. Every stone you
move, no matter how small, is progress.
Bottom line: You deserve more than mere instant
gratification. Value that arrives in an instant is
often gone in an instant. Value that takes time and
commitment to create often outlives its creator –
YOU.
9. Other people cannot validate you.
When we’re struggling to achieve something
important, sometimes we look to others to validate
our progress. But the truth is, they can’t…
You are not in this world to live up to the
expectations of others, nor should you feel that
others are here to live up to yours. Pave your own
unique path. What success means to each of us is
totally different. Success is ultimately about
spending your life happily in your own way.
You don’t have to be flashy to be impressive. You
don’t have to be famous to be significant. You
don’t have to be a celebrity to be successful. You
don’t need to be validated by anyone else. You are
already valuable. You just need to believe in
yourself and what you wish to achieve.
You can be quietly humble and still be amazingly
effective. Just because people don’t fall at your
feet and worship you, doesn’t mean you are a
failure. Quiet success is just as sweet as loud,
flamboyant success, and usually far more real.
Success is how you define it, not what everyone
else says it must be for you. (Read The Gifts of
Imperfection.)
10. You are not alone.
In the midst of hard times, it’s easy to look around
and see a bunch of people who seem to be doing
just fine. But they’re not. We’re all struggling in
our own way. And if we could just be brave enough
to open up about it, and talk to each other, we’d
realize that we are not alone in feeling lost and
alone.
So many of us are fighting the same exact battle
alongside you. We are all in this together. So no
matter how embarrassed or pathetic you feel about
your own situation, know that there are others out
there experiencing the same emotions. When you
hear yourself say, “I am all alone,” it’s just your
worried mind trying to sell you a lie. There’s
always someone who can relate to you. Perhaps
you can’t immediately talk to them, but they are
out there.
If you’re feeling desperate right now, hear me: I
often feel and think and struggle much like you do.
I care about many of the things you care about,
just in my own way. And although some people do
not understand us, we understand each other. YOU
are not alone!
Afterthoughts
One of life’s greatest gifts is the fact that life is
difficult. Because in dealing with life’s difficulties,
we build invaluable strength. This strength enables
us to successfully fulfill our deepest, most
meaningful purposes. It is precisely because life is
difficult that we are able to make it great. It is
because life is difficult that we are able to rise
above the difficulties. We are able to make a
difference and we are able to truly matter.
So remember this…
When times are tough, you must be tougher. Don’t
pray for an easy life; pray for the strength to
endure a tough one that leads to greatness.
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